Diet War
by Hasegawa
Summary: “Have Yao gained weight, da? You seem heavier these days.” The bomb was dropped. Pairings: Russia x China; Japan X Taiwan.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Another effeminate China (My Fav!) with some problem too comfortable married couple have (they are becoming too comfortable, with nothing to fight on, getting fat and boring... Kinda)

disclaimer: Characters belong to Hetalia Axis Power and its author.

Warning: effeminate China.

Genre: Humor. romance.

Ah, I hate being a girl in an anorexic world.

* * *

They were cuddling nicely when the bomb dropped. China crawled over Russia's thigh, thinking of settling there and let himself be hugged by the Russian when suddenly Russia spoke casually,

"Have Yao gained weight, da? You seem heavier these days."

China stopped moving and stared at the Russian, hard.

Russia swallowed, regretting the casual talk he just brought up; the look on China's face made Russia hated himself for the disability of turning back the time, even for 5 seconds (he immediately wished he had something like the amnesia dust the fairy tooth had). How he regretted the lines which suddenly appeared on China's smooth forehead and those tears forming behind his eyelids made Russia speechless for sometimes after that.

"A…Am I? Am I getting fat, older, uglier, and not attractive to anymore? Is that so, aru?"

"N…No, Yao; I mean… I just commented… oh, come on, don't cry, I didn't mean… it was just a casual… forgive me, da?"

"I… I am too tired now, aru. I am going to bedroom. You can stay here and watch the show, Ivan." China stood up, hiding his tears behind his hands and smiled awkwardly while walked away to the bedroom.

Great. Another drama. Just when Russia thought their relationship getting cozy without any complications, another matter appeared. Looked like they would have something to quarrel on again. And great, because China was heating him up, leaving him half turned on.

*******

The phone beside him rang; making China postponed his stage of denial/ self pity and answered it automatically.

"Wei, Yao here."

"Yao gege?" suddenly he could hear the sound of crying Taiwan. China held his breath.

"What's happen aru? Why are you crying?"

"Yao gege… it's… it's Kiku nii… he said I was… I was… getting fatter, he said my waist is bigger and my measurements increased up… I…"

"He did speak like that to you? How dare he, aru!"

"No! I mean… he bought me this costume of Sakura from Naruto anime, and said he made it up to my measurements. But when I tried… it was a bit too small, especially on the hips and thigh. It ripped and Kiku-nii, he… he said maybe I am getting fatter and not he got the measurements wrong."

"… aru. I understand. Me too, I was… uhm, cuddling with Ivan and he suddenly suggested I am getting fatter. Heavier."

"He did say that to you? Oh! He was sooo rude!" Taiwan shouted at the phone, started to get heated up. She completely forgotten she was crying and pulled the phone closer to her face. "No way! I thought Ivan was like, way fatter than you! And I thought he was strong enough to lift three times your weight, Yao gege! You practically smaller than I do! Well, not in built, but I know you weigh less than me!"

"I know!" China snorted to the phone. "Oh, I don't mean you are fatter than me, aru. I know you weigh less and smaller built than me, but that Kiku… just like typical Japanese, aru, he cared so much about measurements! I know it must be hard on you aru! And Ivan… he was being… unreasonable, aru!"

"Yao gege, I think we need to do something. We need to show them that we are not lovable based on measurement and body weight. We need to tell them we are better than what they think! We need to do something!"

"Yes, I am thinking of that too. What should… aru! I know! We should get on a diet aru!"

"Together! It's better! And when they saw how beautiful our bodies are, Yao gege, then we will show them we don't need them to feel beautiful!"

China chuckled. "I totally agree aru. How about we exercise tomorrow?"

"Great idea! Ah! I can't totally wait to see their shocked face!"

"hmm… that would be fun to watch, aru."

"and Yao gege…? While we are on it, can you tell me what kind of… bed art Kiku nii likes? I am afraid he was getting bored of our usual … lovemaking."

China blushed. "Aiyah! Why are you asking me, aru?"

"Because… you two were so close together and I thought maybe…"

"No, aru! I don't know!" China blushed furiously. "Don't you start that! I don't do anything with my own little siblings!"

"Oh… I am sorry, Yao gege." Taiwan sounded apologetically and changed the subject. "Anyway… what are you doing—where are you now?"

"Oh, I am at home, in the bedroom. I was happily cuddling…. Well, not like it's your problem, but after Ivan said that I just lost my … appetite, aru. Aiyah! And you got me again! AHHH! Stop asking me these embarrassing things; aru!"

"Fine, Yao gege. I think you did the right thing to do. Left him after made him feeling aroused, Ivan must be very irritated right now. And hating himself for letting the golden opportunity of getting laid with you slipped away. Anyway, I think I must hang up. See you tomorrow, Yao gege!"

"See you, aru." China smiled softly, replaying what Taiwan had just said.

_You did the right thing to do. _

Well, maybe he was right leaving Ivan turned on like that.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: *Hides behind my sofa* I am sucks

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Warnings: effeminate China (effeminate is not female), hunger.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Yao Yao.. what is this?" Russia looked sadly into his bowl. There was a tiniest bit of meat on top of three cabbage leaves.

"This is dinner, aru."

"… Where is the rice? Or the bread? This is just appetizer, right, da?" Russia asked helplessly.

"No, this is it. You said I was heavy, Ivan, so I need reduce my carbohydrate intake! And because I am the one cooking in this house, so you must follow my menus aru!" China hissed, gnawing at his cabbage. "Eat or leave it, aru."

"But…" tears started to form the purple orbs. "I'm hungry, da…"

China's heart throbbed when he saw the tears. "Ivan… Don't cry… This will be over soon; just be patient until I lost at least 10 kg, aru."

"But… I am hungry,da! And I am a growing man; I need at least enough carbohydrate a day for various reasons, da! By the time you lost 10 kg, I would be as thin as the flag pole, da!"

"Oh, are you implying that no matter how I tried, I wouldn't get thinner, aru?"

_Not again…_ Russia sighed. China was already pouting in front of him, a sign that if Russia talked about the lack of food further; he would go without food for the rest of the week. He looked at the bowl and swallowed. He could sneak out to the bar after China slept and get as many steaks as he wanted (with vodka, of course). Yes, that will do.

"No, I will eat this, da? For Yao Yao's sake…" Russia smiled and ate the tiniest bits of meat buried deep inside his bowl.

China nodded and continued on gnawing his cabbage. He had promised Taiwan that they would go to the gym together tomorrow. So for the sake of pride, he needs to at least shed a few ounces of fat/water/anything by the night. He sighed while chomping his small piece of meat. If he continued eating a mini meat like this, he would have no strength to receive Russia tonight. That's why he insisted on Russia taking the same mini portion of dinner so that he would be too hungry to be turned on.

******

Russia sneaked a peek at the sleeping figure beside him. Unfortunately (and not strangely) he didn't have much sex appetite that night. With his stomach grumbled like a church choir singing Beethoven's Ode to Joy, Russia couldn't even bring himself to think of any exercise.

_Nice_. China was fast asleep. His small shoulder rise and drop in a steady rhythm. Russia slowly, SLOWLY, move from the blanket. He SLOWLY crawled out from the bed. Yet, despite his careful try, the bed cracked softly as he left it.

"Ivan?" China turned around. "Where are you going, aru?"

"To..Toilet, Yao, da."

"…uhn." China closed back his eyes and silenced filled the room. Russia walked slowly to the door and once he closed the bedroom door, he bolted to the club.

_Meat, da; meat, da; meat, DA~! _

*********

Russia was getting the third portion of meal when suddenly somebody sat beside him. He turned around to find Japan sighed.

"Good afternoon, Ivan-san."

"Good afternoon, Kiku." Russia smiled. "What bring you here? It's unusual."

"I… I want to have some drink." Japan smiled. "I have been through quite a rough day."

"Oh, really, da?" Russia smiled assumingly, shoved Japan a glass of vodka. "this will make you feel better. Would you like some meal with it, too?"

"Oh? Why are you eating here, Ivan-san? Did Yao-ni not cooking today?"

"Err… he had some weigh issues. He… was getting on some weird menu and I… well, it was too small portion for me, da." Russia answered.

"Weight issue? That's exactly what happened to Taiwan as well. She refused to eat but she cooked a lot of stuff; not that I am not appreciating her cooking, it almost as good as Yao-nii's. But she told me to eat everything and she kept feeding me even though I am in the verge of vomiting. I think she was trying to get me fatter." Japan sighed.

The image of a round Japan with a helmet hair style made Russia laughed secretly into his glass. "You are better than me. At least you are well fed. I am underfed, da? I might lose my strong muscles and God knows how many energy I need to satisfy Yao in bed, kol kol kol."

Japan growled. He just couldn't comprehend his Yao-nii's choice; what was good from this kind of man? Yet, when he thought of a skinny Russia holding the waterpipe as a walking stick made Japan press his anger and smiled.

"Why does she so is consumed about this whole diet thing? I think she was trying to test her self control when she fed me like horse. She was trying to push the limit of controlling herself not to eat although she saw others eating."

Russia sighed. "We just couldn't win the house' main chef, da."

Japan nodded. "Right."

They clanked the glasses and drunk it in one gulp.

Seemed like the diet disaster had just begun.

* * *

next would be a war between China and taiwan~! Look forward to it! *getting killed* But I am not promising any fast chapter. I am in a writer block, with plot bunnies stopped producing new babies.

reviews will helped me through the pain. XD


	3. Chapter 3

AND a new chapter.

This story is a slow one. I dont have many ideas about humor, so please bear with me. XD

enjoy!

* * *

China stared at Taiwan, who wore a matching sport gear, pink and nice. Her hair was down and wavy; China knew it was the current fashion. She wore the lightest of make-up, and she looked stunningly cute. She wasn't particularly fat—as she told China—but true enough, somehow the bum did look big. China sighed and smiled encouragingly.

"Long time no see, aru~! I see your hair is longer and you looked prettier, aru~!"

Taiwan, upon receiving the greeting (and praise) from her older brother, smiled widely. She stared at her brother. True enough, his age never shown. The beauty was still a beau; enough to make people thought he was a woman. China didn't change at all. He was still as short, tiny and _slim_ as ever. That made her a bit, just a _bit_, the key is _just a bit_, jealous.

"Yes, Yao gege! It's been so long! And I see you are as graceful as ever!"

"Oh my, no, aru! I am old already; my days of grace had already left me behind…"

"No way, gege~! I am sure of what I see! I am sure you are slimmer than me~!"

"Well, I think you look better than me now, Taiwan. Oh, how I envy that youthful skin without wrinkles of yours, aru…"

"I think yours is still as soft as baby's, gege. What crème do you use?"

The conversation continued (the author was vomiting when she wrote the details, so it was censored). They spent a solid 1 hour before eventually realized they had been spending the last hour discussing between Olay and Shiseido; forgetting their purpose of visiting the celebrity fitness place.

It was the most 'in' work out place at the time. It was rumoured that even Shinatty-chan worked out there and came out as refined as Hello Kitty. China and Taiwan simultaneously agreed that they should go together after seeing the pamphlet (China was attracted to the name Shinatty chan on the paper, whereas Taiwan was amazed on how _slim _Shinatty chan pictures became).

They went inside and greeted by the staffs. Both of them get a personal trainer named Mr. A. Mr. A was a bulky man with glasses, wearing white undershirt and tight sweat pants. He looked big.

They were measured and weighed. China looked at the machine in horror and stand on the plate without opening his eyes. He sneaked a peek from the corner of his eyes. The weight was down one pound from last night, good. Taiwan looked over the measurement and sighed. Her hip and bum were as wide as ever. She was even bigger than Japan's. it was a given that Japanese people have small hips, but as his girlfriend, Taiwan was mortified when she knew that Japan's jeans was one size smaller than her.

After the dreadful measurement torture regime, they were lead to the gym area. People were working out. China could recognize Germany under the weight lifting machine, while North Italy was smiling; acted like his manager while eating pasta beside him. In another corner, Taiwan noticed Sweden was helping Finland to move the barbell. It seemed like the smaller man was too weak to lift the smallest barbell.

"… You look very solid. Is all of that muscle?" Taiwan asked politely to Mr. A, starting the ice-breaker conversation.

The man smirked widely and posed. "Yes, of course~! I am the strongest nation ever, I am the hero~"

"Oh! How do you do that, aru?" China asked.

"I worked out everyday, lifting Arthur every single night and have two burgers a day!"

"Oh? I thought eating burger is not healthy?" Taiwan interrupted the man, ignoring the fact that a name she knew very well was just called. Mr. A grinned even wider.

"It was false presumption, ladies. Hamburgers are the healthiest food; it has protein and carbohydrate and small amount of fats, just enough for human requirements every day!" Mr. A. explained. "A burger is equal to a good meal, the best way to start and end a day! I suggest you two tried it, especially double cheeseburgers!"

China and Taiwan nodded together, promising themselves that they would follow anything in order to make themselves _desirable_ again.

*****

They worked out like slaves building Pyramids. They followed Mr. A, who asked them to somersault across the hall as warm-up. China could hear his back cracked loudly; and by the end of the warm up he was bending down, feeling like an old miserable old grandfather.

"Cia you (translation--Literally: add oil; un-literally: hang on there), Yao gege!" Taiwan encouraged the older nation. "It's all for Ivan!"

China thanked Taiwan for her encouragement, before proceeded to the next regime, which was walking/running on the machine. Mr. A asked them to do the highest speed-hiking session for 1 hour straight. China was thankful because he used to live inside mountains with ridiculous height as a hermit. Taiwan, however, was not so good. She was a good walker, especially in shopping mall, yet a bad climber. She has less stamina (despite those marathon-cosplay she did with Japan).

"It's all for Kiku, Taiwan. Hang on there, aru!" China encouraged back his little sister.

They encouraged each other until the end of the session. Mr. A was amazed when both of them finished the regime with body full of sweat.

"You two have no stamina. You need to work out more!" Mr. A smiled widely.

"hhh… but we couldn't… even… talk now, aru…" China huffed between drinking the sparkling water and rubbing Taiwan's back. She was down from tiredness.

"Ahahahaha~! That's why I am the hero! I am so famous, you know? Do you want to know why? I tell you because you want to know so much! I can help you two reduced the fat and gain the perfect body with my products! I have these supplements that work wonders! Even without exercise!"

Taiwan regained her energy back. She looked seriously at Mr. A.

"Really?"  
"Yes, I know I am right, always~!" Mr. A grinned to convince the 'ladies'. "But I would tell you more about it after we see those exercises' result!"

*********

China was devastated. "Is it possible that the machine broke, aru?" China asked Mr. A. Mr. A. smiled and shook his head.

"We always use the newest technology and changed the machine everyday. It is working perfectly, I am afraid."

China looked helplessly at the measurement. He lost 3 inch of his waist but his weight was not decreasing. Taiwan patted her brother's back to encourage the man before she stepped on the machine.

The next second, Taiwan was devastated, too. "Are you sure this machine not broken?"

"Yes." Mr. A smiled. "Why, I can't see what's the matter, lady. Your weight decreased two pounds now."

"But my waist's measurement is still the same!" Taiwan screamed. China sighed.

"At least your weight _decrease;_ aru."

"But your _waist_ is smaller now, Yao gege!"

"But I rather have my weight decreased, aru!"

"And I rather have my waist size smaller, gege!"

"Ladies, ladies… please calm down." Mr. A. touched both his clients on the shoulder. "It's the reality that we couldn't always have what we wanted. But I have… this solution. Would you like to hear me…?"

China and Taiwan looked at each other hostily. Both envied the other because the other's achievement. They gritted their teeth before nodded at Mr. A.

An hour later, they came out from the gym with bags of supplements and diet pills. Mr. A smiled, with two credit cards in hand.

_It's nice to have business with you.

* * *

_

_And that's the scheme. _

_ugh. I feel not good. Sorry for people who get offended in any way ~ _

_review?  
_


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